Thursday, October 18, 2007

While I was in the John....

I'm going to start a new weekly segment thing here where I bring some old crap or a gem or two from old issues of the Sporting News and Sports Illustrated. Of course involving Philadelphia sports stories only. So I went to the bathroom to ummm, take care of business, and was looking through my collection of SN and SI's that are in my magazine bin. I came across a issue of SI from May 2, 2005. It was the 2005 draft review. Nice. I love reviewing past drafts and seeing who's doing well and who's been locked up for making it rain on strippers then slapping them silly for thinking that they could actually keep any of the money they were showered with. Silly Ho's. I know I just rambled like crazy. But anytime I can bring up making it rain with Pacman, I just have to. So anyway. I was flipping through and came across a segment, Winners and Losers. As soon as I read it, I knew I would find the Eagles as the winners. In every draft for the past 5 years they have been known as winners. As I read the list of winners; Cowboys, Dolphins, Cardinals, Browns, ah, here we are the Eagles. With every word of this 40 word piece of crap I read I just had to cringe. Here it is. EAGLES: I love the way they chose solid performers rather than workout warriors. I'm talking about USC defensive tackle Mike Patterson, only 5'11 but what a motor; outside linebacker Matt McCoy of San Diego State; free safety Sean Considine of Iowa; and running back Ryan Moats of Louisiana Tech, (and I quote) a Brian Westbrook clone. Cue the laugh track for that one. Where to start. Of course its easy to rip this to pieces 2 years later, but that's the fun of it. The first line alone is enuff to make he heave. " I love the way they choose solid performers". I'm leaving more solid performers in my toilet than they chose in this draft. Let's start with Mike Patterson. As of right now he is an average DT. Probably worth a third round pick. And they probably could have gotten him there. That's the one problem with the Eagles. They pride themselves on being so much smarter then everybody else. Picking players 2 rounds before they should and acting like they got a steal. News flash, Mike Patterson at 31st is not a fucking steal. He's a $5 DVD of a movie you kind of like but not sure if its worth the $5 in the bin at Walmart. You ponder for a minute, end up buying it, thinking the whole time your waiting in that long ass line that this really isn't worth the $5. Then you go home a little excited, watch it, and then realize you could have used that $5 for something much better. Next, Reggie Brown. If I hear Howard Eskin say one more time that he's a "nice" receiver, I will murder a small defenseless animal. I know better then to listen to Howard but I like to be annoyed sometimes. Reggie Brown is below average at best. He only catches a pass when hes got two steps on a DB and that's so rare cause he runs like he's in friggin quick sand. I have never seen anybody move so fast and get nowhere. Its horrible. Again, below average at best. Here's the next gem in the second round. With the 63rd pick in the 2005 draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select, Midget Linebacker who gets run over on a consistent basis, Matt McCoy. See my review of the Eagles-Colts game from last season to see how I feel about this turd. Next, the Brian Westbrook clone. That is the biggest insult to Westbrook I've ever heard, and I think BWest deserves an apology for being linked to this bum. Ryan Moats. I know he's thanking god every day that he blew out his knee this summer cause he would have ended up being a substitute teacher in some high school Louisiana. Horrible. With the first pick of the fourth round the Eagles select a lanky white safety. Woo Hoo. Sean Considine. Alright, I will give him this, he is having a okay season right now. Okay, not good, not bad, again, just average. The theme of the Eagles 2005 draft should just say, average. Last year was different for Considine. He was the solution to Michael Lewis being on the outs and it was horrible to watch. Again see Eagles-Colts game review. The next two picks were hits. Todd Herremans in the bottom of the fourth and Trent Cole in the bottom of the fifth. Great picks, salute to your ability to be able to pick good players in the fifth round. So there, would you consider the 2005 draft a success?

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